I awoke yesterday morning with the feeling that something was not right, however I was unsure if it was something to do with the fact that Tarack had not yet come to the Temple, or perhaps something...within.
Every few hours, the blasted apprentices come to change my bandages - the wound was deep, and while they did heal it enough that I was not in danger of bleeding to death, with such a wound they wish to allow much of it to heal naturally. It bleeds enough that the bandages are soaked within three or four hours, and each time they are changed, the apprentices cast some sort of minor healing spell upon it.
The amount of annoyance and anger at these younger children is quite a bit more than I have felt at any other time in my life - outside my time in the forest - and I am not sure why I feel such an emnity for nearly everything I encounter.
I look into the bedside mirror, and I know something has changed, but I am unsure of what exactly has happened. When I try to recall the events within the forest, I am met with a wall of fog, and I can feel myself slowly drawn down into whatever state I was in there. Sadly, without being to concentrate for long on these things, I'm not going to be able to sort it out.
My relfection was interrupted by the door opening, and expecting another apprentice to annoy me, I gave the door another ill-intended look. To my surprise - and of course, delight - Tarack stepped through it instead; he looked very dark for a moment, but when he realized I was awak, it was gone and I was given that familiar smile I'd almost forgotten.
I apologised for not being awake when we arrived in Qeynos to stop the guards from imprisoning him, though he humbly believes they were just doing what was right. For some reason, the idea of anyone believe it was right to lock away Tarack made me so angry, I had to look away from him for fear of him mistaking it for something directed at him. Of course, I told them it wasn't right at all and that I had half a mind to go beat the living hell out of Alesso, which had upset a priestess - he merely laughed and said he was released because someone from the Temple was sent to explain things and vouche for his story.
His laugh drew away much of the darkness, and I found myself smirking at him. He then spoke of how empty the apartment was when he went to visit it before he came to the Temple, and I let him know I was told I could leave as soon as I was able to walk out of the building. When I asked if he could help me, he agreed but told me he'd be right back; apparently he went to speak to the priests about the whole situation, and they gave him quite a bit that would be needed to care for me.
When he came back, he put the bandages and vials of salves into one of my packs, and threw them onto his back. I tried to stand, but moving like that pulled too hard at the wound on my shoulder and I couldn't help but voice the pain it caused. Tarack was at my side instantly, carefully lifting me and gently putting my arm about his shoulders; I told him how funny it was that I could barely walk after a few days of rest when I had stormed over to my weapons the day I awoke without a problem. Slowly - so as not to scare any other apprentices, as he put it - we made our way out of the room, and eventually out of the Temple.
Once outside, he looked back at the windows of the strange Temple and commented that I'd walked out. Before I could do more than nod in agreement, he gently swept my feet out from beneath me and craddled me in his arms, so careful not to put pressure against the wound. With the light steps of an elf, he slowly carried me back to our apartment in the Willow Wood.
As we walked through the Elddar Grove, I could feel the difference between this small manifestation of nature and Nektulos Forest, though it almost made me uncomfortable. In some respects, I felt like I did not belong in the Grove, which only caused the anger I felt within to flare for a moment - I was able to push it away once we entered the Wood, though.
When we arrived home, the first thing that caught my eye was the cat - Sevi. I then noted that not a thing had been touched since I left, and asked Tarack if he'd at least remembered to feed the poor animal. Luckily, he had, though he didn't feed her proper food for a feline...that may come back to haunt me as the days pass.
He took me over to the bed, and gently laid me down on it, kissing my cheek...and telling me 'Welcome home'....before setting the packs onto the large dining table. We started talking, and I told him how I had really thought I was imagining things in the forest when the dark elves were chasing me, that I was sure that I would die there before I could see him again. He told me he can never let that happen, and that he would have died as well, especially knowing it was his fault.
I find it odd that he has figure out that part - the dying without the other one being alive part.
What I dislike is how he still blames himself for everything, and I tried explaining to him that it wasn't his fault, that it was the Teir`Dal that had chased me. He only shook his head, telling me that it was the Teir`Dal here that had driven me away.
I had to look away again, because it made me so angry to hear him take all of the blame onto himself, when it was really just both of us making very stupid choices. We argued on how it wasn't just his fault for a few minutes, until I said it was mine for staying in the forest and getting so fascinated with what I felt there.
He asked me how I felt now that I had seen Nektulos for myself, as more than just a dark place I run through quickly if I want to visit my brother. That's been the very same question I've been asking myself since I woke up - how do I feel now that I've been...there. What exactly has it done to me, and the like.
Eventually, I was able to tell him how the essence of the place had just gotten to me, in me and through me and about how I just found myself starting to not care about anything. He said something about how the forest reaches up and changes you, its dark memories affecting you; I agreed to a point, and told him that once I didn't care anymore, I found myself hating everything - the animals there, how I would slay them in anger or lure them to something I know could when I could not - and how I hated even myself...that the only thing I couldn't bring myself to hate had been him.
He told me that the forest couldn't touch what I held most dear to me, at least not at first. He began to run his fingers through my hair, and I realized that I must have seemed quite distraugt by the conversation, since he knows that it calms me. We continued to talk about, and I told him that I didn't think that whatever was there in the forest stayed there completely, and told him how I had wanted to just kill the priestess that I scared...that I only stopped because the way she looked at me remind of how many look at a Teir`Dal.
Strangely, he was calm, explaining to me that I hadn't really changed and that beneath the dark tendrils was still the same Rhana he knew; that he'd had to fight the very same Hate once before in his life, and that he would help me learn to fight it now. He said that while it will be difficult, I hadn't been in the forest long enough for the Hate to be permanent. He rested his hand over my heart and reminded me that I was still the same person there.
I...don't know why, but his touch suddenly made me think about...well, us. I suddenly realized that for all the tenderness, all the gentle care he was giving...I had no idea of where things stood.
Of course, I stammered out a question, asking him if he would be staying with me. Tarack told me that he would be staying, that the last thing I needed was to be alone; I asked him about after the forest let me go, and he said not to think about it, and that we would cross that bridge when we came to it.
Holding his hands, I asked him if he'd at least sleep up on the bed with me, and hold me at night. He agreed to, and I even told him I'd expected him not to...he just smiled and stretched out beside me, propping himself up with one elbow so we could look at each other while we talked.
As we were talking, he realized that he needed to change out the bandage I had on, as the blood was starting to come through the robe the priests had given me. Once he got the bandages and salves, he helped me sit up in the bed as he sat down beside me.
Sometimes it still amazes me how gentle Tarack can be, even with small things like untying a robe. He was so careful as he undid the robe and helped me out of it, and even more so as he began to unwind the stained bandages. Despite his gentle nature, removing the padding that was against the wound hurt like hell, and I had to try and forget I was in my own body to keep from stopping him. It was not quite so bad to have him put the new padding on, as the salves soothed the aggrivation; he was quite intricate with wrapping the bandages, and when he was finally done and I looked down at them, I realized he used the same pattern as he did on his armwraps.
When I felt him gently touch my arm, I just leaned sideways until I was stopped by his chest. It was then, as I looked at his gi, that I realized it was discoloured and stained quite a bit. Of course, I asked him about it all, not remembering it being that badly damaged by the fight. Apparently he hadn't noticed either, as he told me it wasn't until the guards at the gates pointed it out to him that he actually saw it.
Curled up together, we talked for quite some time, about how I was going to leave the forest anyways, but the dark elves had caused a problem with that. I told him how fast I ran and how hard I fought, because I wanted to come back to him, knowing that I shouldn't have left in the first place by then. Tarack told me that it was alright now, helping me into my robe again, and that everything would be okay, that I'd made it back to him and that was all that mattered.
After we laid back down, all either of us did was stare at the other. I don't know what he was thinking, but the only thing I could think about was how much I loved him, and how blessed I was to have been able to make it back to him. The gentle care, the loving caresses, the small kisses on my forehead and cheeks...it all made me feel like maybe everything was okay now.
I..tried telling him, but I found myself stammering, because I was afraid that maybe I was wrong about his manner. In the end, I was able to tell him how I felt...in Romani, not that I realized it; he smiled at me, and just held me again, not saying anything for a very long moment.
Finally, with a quiet and shy voice, he slowly pronouned "Me sevi tu, Rhana"...he said he loved me, in the language of my blood.
To hear him reply to me, in my own language - one dearer to me than that of the half elves - was a breaking point. Whether or not it was something I should do, I had to kiss him; pain exploded in my shoulder as I pushed myself up to do so, and I had to grasp him with the other arm to keep from falling and breaking the kiss. He held me, carefully laying me back down so that I wouldn't be in any pain while we kissed.
Finally, he asked me if he'd pronounced it right...which was just a silly question at that point...like I would have been that excited if he had said something like you are the cat or something.
I'm not sure how long we remained awake after that, talking while holding each other - I know that it is the safest and the most familiar place I've been for quite some time; waking up to find him still there, sleeping soundly with his arms around me, had to be the second most.
"Welcome home," he had said...yes, this is finally home again...
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