Tomorrow

And I wanna believe you, when you tell me that it'll be ok, yeah I try to believe you, but I don't.
Rhana sat on the floor, between the makeshift alter filled with candles and the mostly matched faydark dining set. Cross-legged, a smaller style of lute rested in her lap as she strung out several cords; slowly, they turned into a slow and steady song of sorrow and confusion. It had been so long since she’d even touched any of her various instruments, she was almost surprised as the tune started lifting through the still air.

Her mind wandered back to several evenings ago, when Tarack had come back to the small one bedroom apartment. Though she had been relieved to see him safe, over the next few hours she watched in shock as what was once a home slowly unraveled to reveal just a lonely apartment. The light shown less through the windows, the air was rarely disturbed by sound, and even the stray cat had begun to hide away and keep quiet.

Somehow, she didn’t quite believe that…this…was right and well; she found it very hard to believe Tarack’s gentle words of reassurance that what he was doing would make everything okay for them again. All it was doing was letting everything that was important slip away into silence and dust.

No, she didn’t believe him, especially without him being around to say everything again.


When you say that it's gonna be, it always turns out to be a different way, I try to believe you, not today...
Just a little while ago, he’d told her that he would keep living there, but as the days slipped away, he was there less and less. When he was there, it was almost as if he was not…there was so much distance and silence where there had once been intimate conversation.

Looking around the apartment as she continued the song, quiet words drifting off of her lips as once again the room looked plain and lifeless. Conversations from what seemed like so long ago drifted through her mind, from before everything had happened; they had talked about so much, and the things he had said were so different than what had happened. There were several different moments she thought might have changed it, but she didn’t believe they absolutely had to.

It had been several days, and the same argument had chased through her mind every morning and every night, and by now, she didn’t know if she believed anything anymore.


I don't know how I'll feel, I don't know what to say, tomorrow, tomorrow is a different day.
Where there had been love and happiness, there came worry, anger and hurt, and now there was just an empty and hollow void. She’d gone through so many different emotions, she wasn’t quite sure which one she was supposed to feel anymore.

After discovering this apathy, she wondered about the future again. Would she always wake up feeling like this, or would she be granted little moments of emotion? If she was, would she even want to have them, or would she eventually just kill them all off completely?


It's always been up to you, it's turning around, it's up to me, I'm gonna do what I have to do, just don't…
Strumming the cords as she sang, it came into her mind that maybe she should be gone when Tarack got home – if he ever did again. Maybe she could go back to the Steppes and live like they used to, before the sky fell; sure, there were dangers as she’d been told by the captain of the guard there, but she could be careful and maybe even find allies among the Centaurs who roamed there.

Would it even matter if she was gone?


Gimme a little time, leave me alone a little while, maybe it's not too late, not today...
Packing her possessions was done with a deliberately slow pace, because she held tightly to a sliver of hope that before she would finish, he’d walk through the door and maybe even figure out what was happening there.

Maybe even just the thought, the beginnings of an action, would make him realize what he was actually doing.

Maybe it wouldn’t.

Either way, she folded each thing slower than the one before it.


Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready; hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow…
A few hours later, she had packed up all of the belongings she could carry with her safely while she traveled. Many of her books remained on the shelves, some of the food stuffs that were cumbersome sat quietly on their own shelves and in the small pantry chest and of course all of the furniture – less one easel and canvas – stood as silent sentinels in the room.

Finally, her actions panicked her, and after looking around the apartment again, she tucked the packs away under the bed. Leaning against the side of the bed, she ran a hand through her hair and sighed, looking down at the cat that slipped out from beneath it.

She couldn’t do it…


And I wanna believe you, when you tell me that it'll be ok, yeah I try to believe you, not today...
.....Tomorrow it may change, may be a better day…
That night sleep came slowly, and was filled with restless tossing and turning as she retraced everything in her dreams. Several times she woke up and began to dress, half-convinced that she was right about leaving only to stop and disrobe before climbing back into bed.

Though barely even a grain of dust, she still held the hope that tomorrow would be better.


[OOC Note: Bolded text are the lyrics from Tomorrow (Acoustic Version) by Avril Lavigne. I actually imagined it being the song Rhana is singing in the story before she starts packing, which is why I used it for a story.]