Sixteen Years, Two Months, Two Weeks Since the Sky Fell

I've read this book over almost some fifteen times, trying to remember everything written in it only to find that my mind draws a vast blank. Every little recorded incident is familiar as I read it, yet I am unable to recalll a damn thing about any of it.

Tis really quite frustrating.

What I do know is this - the last thing I recall about my life is that my brother had been cast out of our familia, and we were trying to make a living in Qeynos - mamma was dead and pappa was fading, especially after they made his only son Marhime; most of the responsibilities fell to me and Vhargas.

Vhargas was training hard as a fighter, I think he may have even been thinking about becoming a guard as work. I spent my time dancing and making music in taverns all over Qeynos, which paid me surprisingly well.

From there...its all foggy and then all I remember is the strange nightmares for eternity. Even now, awake, they seem to haunt me...each time I close my eyes, I see hints or flashes of things - I see someone dark beating me, hurting me...but I know it was someone I cared for. I feel like I must watch my back, that something is stalking me, something I cant see to fight until it is too late.

They tell me I've been asleep for over seven months, though my recollections are more like a year or two is missing. I don't understand what happened, but they tell me that one of their more established priestesses brought me to them.

I am bothered by the physical changes as well. The priests were not lying about how long I was unmoving, and where I was once lean and strong I am twig-thin and weak. I can't lift...what I were told my sais, though I never remember learning to use them...nor a sword, barely even a book and I can barely eat anything.

More disturbing to me is that I no longer have my beautiful red hair - most of it is now a startling bone white, only thin streaks of the bright red remaining behind. And it is so much longer than it has been for ages, since before we came to Qeynos. I can no longer twist it up and pin it against the back of my head, I have to braid it in a long braid.

This frightens me - the missing years, the nightmares, this life on these pages I don't know. What if all these people I once knew demand of me whatever it was I gave them in this life I don't remember? What if this Tarack still exists? What if he moved on, and my presence will be nothing more than painful and uncomfortable? What if he never moved on and would want the person I was back?

There are sketches of people in another book, sketches I drew, I know this because of the style they were done in. I keep staring at the ones of Tarack, because they unsettle me and instantly make the nightmares come for me...and I don't understand why.

I want to drink, to drowned out all of this, make it go away, but the only things I can drink are water and milk.

Oddly enough, I know how to make many drinks and foods, yet I don't remember learning how to do so...

...I need to get away from this.